just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
