when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
