HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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