you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
