I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
