i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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