shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
