yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
