The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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