I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
