Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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