no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
