i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
