Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
