I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
