just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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