she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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