I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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