What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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