my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
