I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
