Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
pray to the hookup gods
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
