Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
