mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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