I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
