i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
