worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
