I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
