Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
