The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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