he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
