she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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