I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
