dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
