a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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