Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
