Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
farters have to be the big spoon...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
