Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
