hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
FUCK WHALES
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
