I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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