She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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