I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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