I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
