the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
