brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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