'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We're not piercing ourselves today.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
