did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
