Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
