Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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