I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
