She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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