kristin has been a bad kristin
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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