oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
