bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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