I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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